I Wish for Suicide

Low times - extremely deep, dark depressing times - yield one of two results: recovery or loss. There is a certain gamble involved here which is exactly the thing I miss. For, you see, I find my life stagnating now. I know I have lost a certain passion and thrill for life. I do not know even whether I am even depressed. It is this that I find frustrating and even pathetic. It is for because of this that I say that I wish for suicide. Not the end result, but for the push that drives me to the point where I am stirred and tugged and forced to see the beauty in life. The complexity and the curiosity. I can speak of it now, but can no longer feel it. I want to feel it. I want to go back to living life. Even if it means I have to take one step closer to death.

- 3 -